Dating is complex enough when you’re dating other men, but generally we have it easier than our straight counterparts. Most of us don’t worry about fighting over the TV remote because we enjoy the same shows, when we’re up for sex we don’t have to worry about our partners needing foreplay and there’s no time of the month we need to fear. So, we take our hats off to the straight guys of the world. However, your female companions tend to turn to us for guidance and a shoulder to cry on when you guys fuck up. So what can gay men teach straight guys about dating?
There’s a saying that goes; “Don’t try to understand women, women understand women and they hate each other”. That’s only partly true. In my opinion, women don’t even understand themselves. Hell, men don’t even understand themselves! When it comes to the dating game, half of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing – trying not to catch feelings when you know it’s inevitable and trying to act cool when all you wanna do is turn into a mushy gushy cuddly mess.
We’re usually so overwhelmed with excitement and emotions that a situation that would normally be as easy as paint-by-numbers becomes rocket science and we end up saying and doing things that would put us off if someone else did it to us. Why do we do it? According to science, this is due to extremely high dopamine (which gives us the “butterflies” when we fall for someone), PEA (phenylethylalamine) and norepinephrine with plenty of adrenaline but low seratonin levels, which makes us feel like we’re on cloud 9 when things go well, but have horrible mood swings when things go sour with our potential love interest.
At this stage, one person gets overly attached and the other person ducks and dives – in both straight or gay relationships.
So how can you avoid falling into this same pattern over and over again?
First, relax. Take a deep breath and own the feeling. Yes, you have feelings for this person and no you don’t want to scare them off. It might seem impossible at first, but try not to text them every 2 mins of your life – on the contrary, don’t completely ignore them either. Don’t make them feel like they’ve got you under some sort of spell, if anything, go about your day like you would before you knew them. Chances are, they feel the same way, but are better at controlling overwhelming emotions, some people can just deal with that sort of feeling better than others.
Send flirty texts now and again and for the love of god, don’t send “what are you doing?” or “whats up?” every chance you get. You’re basically telling them, “I’m bored, it’s your job to entertain me,” and nobody likes that sort of commitment after the first date.
Offer to take her on a second date a few days later and try not to make it all about sex. Girls like to feel special, so ask her questions about herself and don’t just talk about you. Perhaps take her somewhere she likes and if you don’t know where that is, text her “So guess where I’m taking you tomorrow,” (if you word it correctly it will already seem like a done deal and she’ll find it hard to refuse) and if she responds with a few good answers, take her to one of those places. Women like assertiveness in a man, so don’t be a wuss, take a stand and take her out and if she refuses politely, try again another day.
Just don’t be an emotional mess. That’s not sexy.
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Contributor – Tristan Ridge
Tristan is a 21 year old, HOT, bisexual Australian surfer-slash-college boy who just loves the swinging scene and explores it with his partners in his polygamous relationship. He’s been part of the swinging scene and orgies since he was 18 years old.