BDSM relationships are not always sunshine and leather. Sometimes you need a reality check. Is your master treating you unfairly? Is your master a downright douche-bag? Do you find yourself choreographing half of fantasy play, even though you’re supposed to be the submissive partner? Perhaps it’s time to find a new master to serve.
Being in a dom/sub relationship should be black and white, but it rarely ever is. Yes you as the sub needs to adhere to your master’s every need and beckon to his every whim, but when does he stop being a master and start being a dictator?
There’s a fine line between him being the sexy Pharaoh of your dreams and serving a self-obsessed Nazi. Once that line is crossed you should either talk it out or leave before you end up hurt or abused.
So what are the five things you need to consider when choosing a master?
- You Don’t Choose Him, He Chooses You
Firstly, remember that you’re still the sub. You’ll hardly see subs out and about asking around for someone to dominate them. This is because it needs to be spontaneous and the fact that most subs are rather dominating or powerful in their everyday lives makes it hard to find the right master who can provide the release a sub needs at the end of a hard, decision-making filled day.
However, you can always find what you’re looking for online on websites like Grindr, Fetlife or Tinder.
- How He Is In His Day-To-Day Life
There’s nothing quite as boner-crushing as thinking you have found the ultimate dom, than finding out he still lives with his mom, sucks at decision-making or lets people walk all over him. A dom in play should (to some extend at least) be a dom in life. Make sure your dom is as good at standing up for himself in public as he is (or ought to be) the bedroom.
On the other hand, you also don’t want the type of guy who bosses people around, manipulates to get his way or talks badly about his mother. These are all flags that if he can do this to others, he’ll definitely do it you.
- Does He Even Care About You?
Even if your new master is the perfect dom in the bedroom, if he doesn’t give a shit about you outside of play – asking what your limits are, considering what type of domination you’re into, etc, then he’s not going to care about those things at a later stage in the relationship either.
You may be the submissive partner, but to a degree, you need to control who you let into your life, especially when it comes to who you trust with your sub/dom fetish.
Contributor – Logan Turner
Logan is a 32 year old, single daddy dom and stripper from New York, USA who loves nothing more than to teach his sub boys just how to please him.